Year 2020
This is how the news will look in the year 2020.
Sonia Gandhi was shot to death by her guards. The guards were supporters of CPI, the party that Sonia Gandhi had wiped out in an operation called Red Star.
The elections were conducted and Congress(I) lead by Rahul Gandhi won. Critics say that they won cause of the sympathy wave.
Prez Musharraf has promised the world that Pakistan will become a democratic country very soon.
Prez Musharaf today called up Rahul Gandhi and said that yesterday's suicide attack which was carried out by the son of Musharraf, that killed 2 tourists(both Pakistanis) had nothing to do with Pakistan or the ISI.
The Union Minister Of India Mr X has announced a 50% reservation for the BCWR(backward Class Without Reservation). If this is implemented then they will b only 1% seats left for the open category...No one is protesting this time cause already all the open quota people had left India.
The Strip bar owners in Bombay came out on the streets after the govt. banned them. Insiders say this was done because the CM's son was denied entry. He is just 12 years old.
Israeli forces are still in the process of pulling out from the Gaza. This was started in the year 2006.
PM Rahul Gandhi said that Freedom of speech is a basic right of any citizen.
Two journalists were burnt to death for writing an article about the Sonia Gandhi.
In sports news The Master Blaster Dhoni is being told to retire by his critics.
Meanwhile Ganguly is still optimistic about his return to the squad.
Sania Mirza who had won the Jr. Wimbeledon in the year 2001 has been given elected from Hyderabad as a MP for the second time.
In EntertainmentShahRukh Khan has finally married his long time boyfriend Manish Malhotra after India had legalized Gay marriages.
Ekta Kapoor's famous tele serial Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi has gone 20 years ahead for the 20th time.
Aamir Khan's next release "Jharnaa" is being released in only 2 states in India. Various Political parties are protesting after he had supported various andolans across the country.
P.S : I have started a "wisebox" on the right side...I will try and change the lines almost everyday...It will have quotes by my friends and me which wont make sense.The title "My wisebox- a box of vice, fulla spice.." was Jaya's idea. Kudos to her.
Myths & Facts!!
Aftab aka Gulam Hasan comes again to the rescue of the common people. There are a lot of myths about famous people. I will give the facts about 10 famous people in this post.
SachinMyth : He is a man with a squeaky voice.
Fact : He was born a girl but because he wasnt beautiful his parents decided to make him under go a sex change operation. This also explains why he keeps touching there. He just wants to make sure that it doesnt fall off.
Aishwarya RaiMyth : She is a superstar.
Fact : She never gave a hit. The only hit she gave was the Coke ad where she tries to whistle.
Shane Warne Myth : He is a great spinner.
Fact : The only reason he gets wickets is cause he threatens the batsmen by telling that he will sleep with their wives if they score more than 1 run.
Manmohan SinghMyth : He doesnot have a say in the govt.
Fact : Are you kidding me?...The opening lines where he greets the gathering are writen by him only. I can prove if you want.
Bill GatesFact : He is rich.
Myth : Now seriosuly if you looked like him and had soooo much money wouldnt you have undergone a surgery to look better.
Srk Myth : He is straight.
Fact : A guy takes bath in a tub filled with rose petals and you call him striaght. He is as gay as Sir Elton John.
BushMyth : He looks like a Chimp.
Fact : Its not a MYTH. Its a fact DAMNIT.
OsamaMyth : He is in Pakistan.
Fact : He is in the White House. He is the head of security there.
Aftab Myth : He is good for nothing.
Fact : Trust me people he is destined for big things. Just believe in him and
NOTHING ELSE MATTERS
NIP IV Version 2.0
I wanted to write a blog on "10 ways of getting laid" but then
Jaya told me that it would be a little inappropriate so I am back to Nothing In Particular series and this is Part Four.
These days every Ravi, Sameera and Rashmi Bansal are writing about Opal Mehta So why should I be left out. I havent read the book but whatever I have read about it I think i know why it has been removed from the shelves.
They are 2 point of views about this book. Let us first see the Indian point of view which is being voiced by the Moral police.
They say that how can an Indian Kiss before marriage and therefore threatened Kaavya Vishwanathan's life. Although they said that they will keep quiet if she kisses one of there chiefs but Kaavya rejected this offer and pulled her book out from the market.
Now for the American point of view.
Every single American is pissed casue they cant understand how a girl got kissed but not laid. They also threatened Kaavya Vishwanathan's life. They too had one more offer but I think you people know what I am talking about and therefore I wont write it down. Kaavya also rejected this offer. She is one brave girl.
There is also a third point of view but its represented by a very small group and they speak about plaigarism, A word i cant comprehend. Can Anyone explain to me what it means?
Megan McCafferty, from whom Kaavya has admitted of "unconscious copying", was infuriated and said that "Atleast my characters get laid but still my book was never a best seller hmmppff"
Aamir Khan was in the news for supporting Medha Patkar and the Narmada Bachao Andolan. When asked as to why he went he replied "I thought Narmada was a lady in distress and calling out for help you kn like Narmada: Bachaoooo hehehe ok u dont find it funny. So I being the biggest hero in bollywood did what we heroes usually do."
Updated on May 3rdSameera mailed me the forward that is very common these days. It has a set of 5 questions that the fairer-sex asks us guys which we usually answer incorrectly and also it showed how to answer them "correctly". Well I dont know whether those are correct or incorrect but this is how I think it will be answered by different men of different countries. I chose only 3 countires cause I only know 3 countries.
So this is my version.
1 - "What are you thinking?"
Indian : Terku kya karna hai apna kaam kar(Why the hell are u bothered, do ur wrk?)
American : Should I ask my secretary to sleep with me
Japenese : The technology that I developed is getting out of date. I shd do something abt it soon.
2 - "Do you love me?"
Indian : Kalmoohi yeh kis tarah ka sawal karrahi hai(You afro-american face,wat type of a question is this?).
American : I am married to so stfu!
Japs : I love Toyota.
3 - "Do I look fat?"
Indian : haan mooti (Yes Fatso).
American : I heard the neighbourhood kids have a joke on you startin w the words " yo momma so fat".
Japs : Its an era of slim things nothing is fat in our country.
4 - "Do you think she is prettier than me?"
Indian : Tune itni angreezi kahan sikhi hai(Where did u learn to speak such good english)
American : Of course, Luk @ those boobs.
Japs : You know I asked the same question to Asimo(some dumb robot) today.
5 - "What would you do if I died?"
Indian : Maika ku jaake maar yaahan mari tho zinda gaad donga (Go and die in your mom's place).
American : WAT??? I neva knew praying was so effective .
Japs : I will dedicate the next chip i design to you.
Love,
Gulam Hasan aka Aftab.
