One Flu over the Cuckoo's Nest
Do not be confused with the 1975 classic One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest. Am not doing a review on it. I havent even seen that movie yet.So the news says the bid flu has arrived to India. All the news channels will be now speaking to poultry farm owners who will be just happy to come on national TV. No one will focus on what to do in these troubled times. So, I have come forward to help the fellow Indians.
Things to do and the things not to do
Dont Speak to any birds.
Dont Speak to any birds even if the bird says it is fine.
Dont offer help to any unknown birds.
Dont accept any sweets from birds.
And run as far as you can if the bird goes "Cuckadachooo".
A set of common questions that are answered by me are given below. Remember just believe in me and Nothing Else Matters
Q) What is avian influenza (bird flu)?
A) A bird which is no longer capable of flying is known as Bird Flu.
Q) How does avian influenza spread among birds?
A) When to birds of opposite sex indulge in an act of making love it results in the spreading of bird flu.
Q) Do avian influenza viruses infect humans?
A) Yes, they do. Do you think I am writing this post for birds you Idiot.
Q) How do people become infected with avian influenza viruses?
A) Its a very complicated process.
Q) How complicated?
A) VERY
Q) What are the symptoms of avian influenza in humans?
A) When you start giving eggs you should know that you have been infected by avian influenza.
Q) How is avian influenza detected in humans?
A) Where you sleeping when I answered the last question!!!!
Q) What are the implications of avian influenza to human health?
A) Depends on what kind of human are you.
For example if you are software professional it wouldnt make much of a difference because you already have the habit of getting up early. The slight difference would be that you will make everyone around you to get up early also. This could however lead to drastic consequences which may even lead to your death.
And if you are a non-vegetarian or an egg eating vegetarian then you will have a huge supply of eggs.
Q) How is avian influenza in humans treated?
A) The person who is infected is stoned to death for waking up others.
Q) Does the current seasonal influenza vaccine protect me from avian influenza?
A) No, Though condoms have been found useful there is no major proof.
Q) Should I wear a surgical mask to prevent exposure to avian influenza?
A) Yes, if you look like Rajnikant or me then it is advisable to wear surgical masks.
Q) Is there a risk for becoming infected with avian influenza by eating poultry?
A) If you say your prayers before eating then nothing can harm you. Saying " This looks fucking tasty" doesnot count under prayers.
Q) We have a small flock of chickens. Is it safe to keep them?
A) No. Eat them asap.
Q) What precautions can be taken to reduce the risk for infection from wild birds in the United States?
A) Dont go to United States. Divided States, on the other hand, has been known to be safe.
Q) What precautions can hunters take to reduce the risk for infection when hunting birds in Jodhpur?
A) For this you should probably contact Mr. Salman Khan.
Q) One last question. Does this answer the age old question " Who came first the chicken or the egg"?
A) It does.
P.S : For all those who would really want to know about bird flu Please Click here. And Sameera stop speaking to birdies.
posted by Gulam Hasan @ 7:28 AM
Comments: 22
