To B(log) or not to B(log)
Well thats a question that has been in my mind for quite a few days now because of the lack of response. And
Sameera, a good friend of mine, has written a blog to find out how will my hit rate increase. Though I am very skeptical about this experiment I thought why not try.....after all there is no harm.
Well I was going to end it with that paragraph only but then I thought what kind of a blogger am I who writes just 4 lines and posts it.
So now that I have written 6 lines I will end it here.
Its a MIRACLE
It truly is a miracle. It sure is.
I am going to write about how our lovely country functions and in the process I will prove
that its a miracle.
Welcome to the worlds largest Democracy. In a true sense it is actually anything but
democracy. It can be called the biggest mockery of democracy. If you love action you have
to come to India during elections.If you thought Martin Scorsese, John Woo and George Lucas
were the best action directors then you got it so wrong guys. I dont want to name
anyone(Better way of saying I am afraid those people can hurt me). When there is an
election the probability of riot breaking out is 100%. The probability that it is between 2
groups who follow different religion is 100%. And the probability that the police wont do
anything is also..yeah you people guessed it right....200%. I mean if these people love to
fight so much then send them to the borders na.
Before the actual voting gets underway the politicians do a thing in which they spend
billions of money - Campaigning. The amount of money collected if spent and used for the
development of India can see India becoming the next super power( I have an even better
idea they should give it to me). They conduct these rallies in which you find the same
people who were present the earlier day for the rivals rally.
The situation is so bad that the High Courts of Andhra Pradesh and Bihar have gone on
record and said that "The state is not safe for its citizens". Its again one of those
you-neednt-tell things.
If you havent already believed that it is only a miracle that our country hasnt perished at
the hands of our leaders then just read the next lines.
Quiet a few of our MLA's file their nomination papers(something like our examination fees) from jails.
There is this particular MLA who was once a DON and wanted by the police. Now the same police is protecting him(Irony).
Apparently an MLA has an arrest warrant pending against him but he couldn't be arrested till date but he still comes on the news and gives god-knows-what-it-means-statement.
We have what we call the 5 year plans. The problem with the 5 year plans is that it usually
takes more than 5 years. And the next being that by that time the population will double
and it is of no freaking use.
A recent survey conducted(some people have all the time and money to conduct surveys) by
someone ranks India as the 86th most corrupted nation and my sources tell me that actually
India was # 1 but they paid some amount to this company to make it 86.
So I think I have proved my point.
As I end the post I want to quote a quote from Godfather( is this even correct who cares..)
Me: don't tell me everything is legal in our country because that Insults my intelligence.*
*The quote has been changed to suit the topic of the blog.
Ants in the Pants
I actually dont have anything to write but since I have strong urge to write I will write. I wont be doing what an author had done. He had wrote a book What is Love? and after 300 pages he says no one can define what is love. As if that wasnt enough after that he published one more book What is Success? and again after 300 - odd pages he says we cant define what is success.I mean is he mad or what. I would like to know about his future projects.
As I was typing I noticed a few ants in my keyboard!!!! I didnt use the computer for one whole day because I was down with fever and the next thing I know the ants have taken over my pc.
So its official the ants have also become tech savvy. Not only that, I found them in my modem also, so they are net savvy also. So next time be careful when you are chatting to a stranger IT CAN BE AN ANT!!!! I actually wanted to take their pic but with the latest developments in the blogging world I was discouraged to do so. For the first time I am happy that I dont have a job and 175 Crore Rupees. And who do you sue, Innocent bloggers for exercising their basic constitutional right. I think they also were doing this in a humorous manner(175 crores @!@#@!).
Back to ants. I actually thanked God when I found ants in my computer. The first one being, they gave me the reason to blog. And the second being, its a million times better to find ants in the comp than finding them in my pants. So from now onwards I have decided not to have my food while chatting on the net(Atleast I will try).
Ouchh!!!! An ant bit my finger I guess its their sleeping time. So people since I have fever I will leave you with the lyrics of one of my all time favs Pink Floyd's Comfortably Numb.
Hello?
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone home?
Come on, now.
I hear you're feeling down.
Well I can ease your pain,
Get you on your feet again.
Relax.
I need some information first.
Just the basic facts,
Can you show me where it hurts?
There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ship's smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I can't hear what you're sayin'.
When I was a child I had a fever.
My hands felt just like two balloons.
Now I got that feeling once again.
I can't explain, you would not understand.
This is not how I am.
I have become comfortably numb.
Ok.
Just a little pinprick.
There'll be no more ...Aaaaaahhhhh!
But you may feel a little sick.
Can you stand up?
I do believe it's working.
Good.
That'll keep you going for the show.
Come on it's time to go.
Made in India
Hey its weekend and am back not with a bang though because it is against law to make noise and you know we Indians how religiously we follow the rules. However, you can approach the Supreme court and they will give a 2 hour relaxation. A lot of my friends have been telling me to write about our college and me being a true friend have decided not to write till they stop telling me HEHAHE...I am so Bad....
So you might ask what I am going to write about I say just scroll down and you will know. Oh am I being cruel...I dont care go to hell...Oh you are not going to read my blog.....(on my knees) I apologise I was just trying to have some fun and moreover I dont have a topic.
After cogitating(I also attended GRE classes) for 1 minute a topic finally came in my mind, actually it has always been in my mind, heart and soul. No not money!!! Its India.
India derives its name from the river Indus that used to flow at the time of creation of our country but now as all rivers it has also gone dry and dirty. Though the government is trying very hard to see to it that the Indus does not dry up it is as though it is inevitable. A source said that the government was trying so hard because if the Indus dries up they will have to change the name of our country. And with the manner our country is running the two names that keep coming up during meetings are Indiano and Left India. That much for the name.
If you ask an American "What is the first thing that comes to your mind when I say India"
he will probably say 2 things. One is Kamasutra and the second is Deepak Chopra(in way that Deepak Chopra also cannot make out whether they are calling is his name or a Japanese film).
Now thats what India is famous for. A few years earlier it was also famous for Taj Mahal. The sign of love. I say what sign of love the guy was so happy to see his wife dead that he build her a marble tomb so that she couldnt possibly come back. But that is also losing the popularity because it is also getting dusky as our new heroines. I dont understand this you like dusky females and not dusky Taj Mahal!!! you people are biased.
When we are talking about India how can we not talk about Hindi Movies. Bollywood is a place where you get to see really long senseless movies. A few movies are good though but dont expect these movies to run in theatres for long. Because as per the Film running Rule 9211 C it is against the law to run good movies for more than a week. Anyone who violates this will be shown 4 back to back shows of Chiranjevi (They(tamilians) could possibly kill me for writing this). With the latest cellphone technology everyone is turning to be a director. We just need to buy a camera and then look for an unsuspecting victim and the final step share it with your friends one of which will put it on the net and you become famous.
Politicians...how can I write about India without mentioning them. The minimum qualification for a person to be a politician in India are as follows
Thou shall have atlleast murdered 20.
Thou shall have atleast 50 attempt to murder cases.
Thou shall have raped 10.
Thou shall have flunked 5 the standard.
Thou shall be flexible to work with different parties.
Thou shall make statements that make no real sense.
Thou shall atleast have one scam to your name.
Thou shall use thy religion to get votes.
Thou shall visit foreign on official business.
And thats how we get our politicians.The last point reminds me of the ex-commissioner of police of Hyderabad. Apparently, he had gone to all the pubs in Goa and learned how they functioned (????) and yes it was an official trip all expenses paid by the few people who pay taxes.
Every country has its pros and cons. But India is not a coin with 2 sides. I would like to say India is a sphere. A sphere on which it is written in bold "LOVE" (see am an Indian so I have to write something good about it). Indians are the most lovable people. If you dont agree with me just take a look at our population. Indians work their ass off if they are not in India. People call you mad if you work that much in India.
The culture of India is one of the oldest cultures in the world. In modern India, there is remarkable cultural diversity throughout the country. The South, North, and Northeast have their own distinct cultures and almost every state has carved out its own cultural niche. In spite of the diversity, it's bound by a common a thread as one civilisation perhaps because of its common history and transfer of age old knowledge in the geographies.
Chi I cant lie to you people .....I copied the above paragraph from Wikipedia because I was unable to write anything about the culture
Now it wont be possible for me to write everything about India in a single blog so expect one more blog about India in the near future(2020).
If you have it, HOLD it
Ya that seems to be the motto of my java classmates. Before your minds wander let me be clear, am talking about cellphones.
Everyone who has a cell holds it in their hand for no apparent reason. They press the button when the light fades away and keep doing that until the cell switches off due to low battery. I think the phone must have also been tired by now. People are so dumb. Its like when they had gone to buy, the shop owner threatened them " If you dont hold them at all times I ll kill you". I dont want to make fun of people but they dont give me a choice. How do I let go off of such a good topic?.
A week ago I was watching the news and they were talking about an IIT-IIM review report that was conducted by these people. It was done to point out the reasons through which India could improve. One of the points that caught my eye was "Politicians should not hold key positions"....I laughed my ass off. We dont need the two biggest schools of India telling us that. Go and ask any illiterate person he will also tell the same. Infact, I think politicians should not hold any position whatsoever. People are dumb. And this person who was one of the members of that board was saying it so enthusiastically like he had just solved a complex problem of molecular physics ( you might ask why the reference to molecular physics well people it seems its my blog so I ll write whatever I WANT). I will say it applies to the world. Planet Earth would be a better place if we could get rid of all the politicians.
Since we are talking about politicians how can I not mention the worlds most powerful politician
Mr. Bush .
U.S. President George W. Bush writes a note to Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice during a Security Council meeting at the 2005 World Summit and 60th General Assembly of the United Nations in New York September 14, 2005. World leaders are exploring ways to revitalize the United Nations at a summit on Wednesday and guess whats on the Presidents mind hehe. Well if you go to go you go to go. So now we know we are not much different from the most powerful person except that we dont need to ask the Secretary of State before we have to take a leak.
I was going to publish this post but before that I read Sameera's blog and she had these links which she had got it from Swathi's blog I dont know from where Swathi got them because I dont even know Swathi. So thats besides the point that I am going to make. These links lead you to a page where they show a picture and then they CLAIM to tell what kind of person you are or how much of a boy or a girl you are ...I again laughed my ass off. On the basis of what picture you select you become a boy or a girl. Some of them ask you a set of irrelevant questions and then tell you what your hidden talent is. I dont need to select a picture in order to know whether I am a boy or a girl I just know where to look. World would have been a better place if we could judge a person on the basis of which picture he selects. You know justice would have been served faster, the judge would just ask the accused to select a picture and then give the verdict guilty or innocent.
A small test created by me which will tell you as to which country you belong to..
1Q) Do you like tea or coffee?
2Q) Do you think there is life on Mars?
3Q) Do you think I should ask these questions?
After you answer them no matter what your answers are, you are an Indian because I dont expect foreigners to read my blog.
Well, it seems, I have deviated from the topic. People are mad so am I. Period.
